TV #3 Clip (4.8 MB) 4 minutes The sheets are duplicitous. Sometimes they’re cold. Sometimes they’re warm. If they were ever the right temperature, I’d probably be so shocked I’d actually fall asleep. ********* Once or twice a year, I’d wake up and all my senses would come to me at once. I’d know where I am, where my limbs are, and I could hear and feel, but my body is paralyzed. I wouldn’t be able to move anything, even though I was fully conscious. I would spend a long time trying to move just one finger or one toe. It would be like trying to lift an elephant. Eventually I’d slowly to move things. First one finger, then the next, and then everything came back. ********* Sleep is like a lover I can’t have. She just dangles there, unattainable, saying “look at me! You can never have me!” No wonder I masturbate so much in bed. ********* I used to thrash around a lot. Then I moved into a dorm with the narrow bunk bed. I slept 1 foot away from the ceiling. If I turned at all, I'd fall and die. I can program myself before I sleep to not move. I told myself "Whatever you do, don't move around when you sleep", and when I woke up the next morning I'd be in the exact same position, alive. ********* When I was a kid, my mother told me that falling asleep was like dying a little. I blame her for my insomnia.