7 Sessions in Psychoanalysis

"...The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible...What the second duty is no one has yet discovered..." -Oscar Wilde

Session 1 Oscar Wilde: Psychoanalyst

Oscar was the hippest guy in Williamsburg. His collar, the color of sanitary napkins.

Do you have a light, Wilde? No.

Do you have a match? Maybe.

He didn't smoke cigarettes. Thought them too much like nipples. Didn't take tea, or even handle tea paraphernalia. He didn't believe in happiness, having seen too many happy rats climbing up the gutter. 

Wilde has a theory about these nuthouse jobs: Always wear white gloves. Don't even touch yourself.

Session 2 Mild argument ensues between Wilde and Artaud

- The world is round. Artaud says. He's not quite sure he's saying these things.

- Round as an apple, Oscar's eyebrow replies.

- Rounder than breast...

- Roundabout, Sir. Here lies your mother.

Session 3 Wilde instructs Artaud on the art of differentiation

I'm reading about madness, being properly dressed for the madness. Give me a symptom, I'll give you an illness. Do you know the difference between an apple and an orange? No. The difference is simple. Apples have apple atoms. Oranges: orange atoms. Give me a bite, Wilde. Give me both halves.

Session 4 Oscar's notes on Artaud, post-electroshocktherapy

So Artaud's caught himself on the barbed electric fence. It takes 120 volts to induce a good seizure. Have I talked about cotton? There's still gauze on his temples. All afternoon with his knees to his chin, he tries to remember what it felt like to think. He keeps saying light and light and laughing his ass off. I'll catch something, he says. I'll ram right into heaven. Artaud, we keep trying to kick ourselves backward.

Session 5 Oscar explains electroshock therapy to the patient

You see, Artaud, at 3am they found you. Your long trouser cuffs, tucked under your heels. You were barefoot, wandering the train station all night, all night wandering on scraps of blank paper. You didn't have a ticket. Excuse me sir. Do you have a ticket? You need a ticket in this station. So they took you to the table, (we should have wiped the table before we laid you there) and they laid you there. A kitchen table. Took off your cloths. Oh Artaud, they were holding their breaths, holding your hands, and the gauze was spread across you: a jolt in the forehead, a shock on the anus. A teapot, Artaud: poured in, poured out, screaming, you screamed your tongue on your brain. Blue lips. Blue skin. But the blood flowed back to you, like a train to a station where no one was waiting. When you woke you told them the world was round. Indeed, we all agreed, the world IS round.

Session 6 Artaud speaks of  the sudden appearance of a fabricated being that corresponds to nothing

Holes in the walls. Holes in my hair. Twelve notes on the scale, they weigh in sopping wet. (Artaud stands up and paces across the office) We must sift out the noise, Wilde. Lift it up in anger. This is the secret to the empty and the full. WILDE! Artaud is slowly removing his cloths.

Oscar nibbles a small white biscuit. Takes out of pad. Writes something down.

Session 7 The two men make love furiously

Artaud. I'd like us to begin again. Like a large pair of scissors. Two eyes. Two holes, big enough for your fingers. Artaud, I'm sending you back to the fields. Take these large shears and cut out what's left.

He doesn't believe me.

Artaud, we were meant for one another. This is the cruel laugh that true lovers share.

He looks at the ground.

Remember the cups like warm eggs in our palms? Remember, you kissed the dead skin in my hands?

He yawns, offsetting his jaw like a fish.

Artaud. We shall begin again. Like small fish thrown back. You will remember... when we reach the real floor.

But just when I throw a net in the water, the water looks up and throws one right back. Artaud laughs.